The Lament of Andorëiel
by Andi de Tarauger
Summary: The daughter of Aragorn and Arwen mourns their memory, and is haunted by their deaths.


A/N: Whee, LOTR fic! Anyway, LOTR is not mine, blah dee blah blah. This is my character, Andorëiel (where I got Andi from), mourning the deaths of her parents, King Aragorn Elessar and Queen Arwen Evenstar. Now, before you chew me out for being unoriginal, hear me out: Mori (Mikimei)'s char was their daughter, and I wanted us to be sisters. Hence, she was unoriginal, not me. =P LOL...also, I totally stole the "They called it "losing him"" from Ella Enchanted (v. good book). Apologies to Gail Carson Levine. Anyway, enjoy!

~*~ The Lament of Andorëiel ~*~

I stood at my father's grave, holding not a bouquet, but a single simbelmynë flower, for I could not bring myself to get more. Flowers would make his grave beautiful, but the death of King Elessar, Aragorn son of Arathorn, my father...it was far from beautiful.

I could still remember his last moments...as Mother stood beside him, holding his hand, and I hung back, unable to believe that my father was dying, and clinging to my twin sister, Anmôriel-Árael. She was weeping openly, and so was I...the servants all stared at me. For the past 15 years, I had been the icy one, the stony one, the one whose brillant eyes were always blank...the eyes that were now filled with tears. The tears were spilling out wildly, staining Anmôriel's shirt, wetting the stones below my feet.

My father's last words were, "In sorrow we must go, but not in despair. Behold! we are not bound for ever to the circles of the world, and beyond them is more than memory. Farewell!" I had never understood his words, and I doubt I ever will, but I have kept them in my heart ever since.

"Estel! Estel!" called my mother, tears running down her cheeks as well. Father kissed her hand, then smiled at us, his children, gently. Then he lay his head down and closed his eyes, and we never heard his voice again...

The simbelmynë flower dropped from my grip and floated down, to rest in front of the grave as I sank to my knees. "Father...why did you leave us? Why did you..." But I did not have the strength to finish my sentence before I burst into tears.

Father had died a year ago, on this day...but the pain of his death had not even begun to leave me. I felt his absence all the time...it gnawed at me, like a constant ache. I cried myself to sleep every night - I woke up with tears in my eyes - when we ate, I cried because I noticed his absence - when I was tutored, I felt the pity of the servants, and so I cried. And most of all, when I climbed trees, I cried when I reached the top, because I could see the whole of Gondor...and the kingdom did not look the same without Father.

They called it "losing him"...they all told me how devastated I must be to have lost my father. They even named me Vanariel, "daughter of the lost king". But Father was not lost...he was gone, forever. And no matter where or how hard I looked, I would never find him.

~*~*~*~

I ran, my bare feet rhythmically pounding the ground. As I ran, I reached for my braid and undid the clip that held it together, letting my long hair stream behind me. Tears blurred my vision as I ran back to the castle, knowing that there was nothing left for me there.

The worst aftereffect of Father's death was what it did to Mother. My mother was beautiful - she had not changed since the day she met Father, and she would have always remained youthful-looking had it not been for his death. After he died, she had turned cold as ice, and hard as stone. She locked herself in her room most of the time and when she exited, it was to visit Father's grave. She looked like a wraith most of the time - never sleeping, rarely eating, and always with tears running down her cheeks. It broke my heart to see her...she was like a shadow of the Evenstar that once was.

Then, one night, she woke the three of us - Eldarion, Anmôriel, and myself - to say goodbye...that she was going to Lorien. She embraced us, kissed our foreheads, and told us she would love us forever...then rode off into the night. We never saw her again...Mother died in Lothlorien three months later.

I finally reached the castle, but it was almost deserted...I didn't care. I ran to my room and began to shove my things into a lightweight back from the side of my bed. I was not sure how, but I knew I had to leave...had to get out of this castle, this was a prison that was holding me...I didn't know where I would go, but I knew I had to leave.

Finally, I was done. I was ready to leave, saying my final goodbyes to Gondor as I rode into the city...but as I turned, a shock greeted me, and I had to bite back a cry because I had thought I was alone, but there was a person at my door.

"Hello, Árarilya..." said Eldarion, thoughtfully studying me. "Going somewhere?"

I glared at my brother. I had my mind made up that I was leaving...if it came to it, he was five years my elder, but I would physically force him to let me leave. There was no way that I could remain in this castle. "I do not have the time to argue with you, Eldarion," I sighed, hoping that, just this once, I could talk him out of something. "I am leaving, and you cannot stop me."

Eldarion raised his head, meeting my emerald eyes with his own grave dark ones. "Do you truly think I will allow you to go? I will not, Árarilya."

"Call me Andorëiel," I hissed, "and I care not whether you allow me to go or not. I will go nonetheless." I tried to shove past him, but he gripped my wrist tightly. I struggled in his grip, but he was too strong for me. "Unhand me, Eldarion!" I yelled.

"Árarilya, swear to me that you will not leave until you hear me out!"

I finally sighed and nodded. "I swear." Eldarion let me go and, resigning myself, I dropped my bag by the door and walked back into my room, dropping onto my bed. "Eldarion, please, understand me. There is nothing left for me here. Mother is dead, father is dead. Mori is gone - what else is there?"

"What about me, sister? Do I mean nothing to you?"

I let out my breath. "Oh, Eldarion, of course not...but you are not enough to tie me to this land, my brother."

Eldarion wearily ran a hand through his hair and sighed, and for the first time I saw how much he resembled our parents, and how tired he was. "Look, Árarilya...can you not try to see it from my view? I am by right king of Gondor now, but the kingdom is still grieving. I cannot do it alone. Árael is gone, and I have no one to look to for advice...oh, Árarilya, please stay."

"I cannot, Eldarion, I cannot! To stay now would be denying my very nature, can you not see?" I got to my feet and was almost yelling. "I cannot stay here, I will go mad if I do! There is nothing left for me in Gondor, onle memories of our parents! I must be away, must leave all of this!" I tried to go again, but Eldarion once more gripped my wrist.

"Árarilya, I - "

"Andorëiel. My name is Andorëiel!"

"I cannot stop calling you by your birth name, sister." My brother's eyes were sad, and though I could not see them, I could feel it in his tone. "But can you not pity me? I have the same feelings you do, and I know I cannot force you to stay...but I am tied here. I cannot leave. It is my duty to rule over that which our parents ruled over." His voice shook slightly.

I slumped forward, relaxing in my brother's grip, and he released me. "I still dream about them, Eldarion."

"I know, Andi...I know."

Andi...Andi...Father had called me Andi. Hearing this nickname from my brother, who sounded so like him...something snapped inside me and I burst into tears, falling into Eldarion's arms. He held me tightly, letting me cry.

"I miss them so much, Eldarion," I wept.

"I know," he whispered, pulling away to smile at me. "I miss them too...I loved them too. And I would never begrudge you wanting to leave here...go ahead, Andi. Leave the White City...it will always remember you. As will I." He hugged me again, tightly. "I will miss you, Andi. Come back again, someday..."

"Thank you, Eldarion." The tears sprang back into my eyes, and looking into my brother's for the last time, I blinked them away. "I...I will."

~*~*~*~

I gripped the top branch of the tree and pulled myself onto it. It was the tallest tree on the outskirts of Gondor, and from here I could see what I was leaving behind.

My hand trembled as I pushed the branches out of my eyes, to get a better look at Gondor, for the last time. My resolve shook then and there...I was worried. Here I was leaving behind my beloved brother, my castle, my royal privileges...the only home I had ever known, and I was leaving it all behind now. But then my eyes fell onto the black pennants that had been flying from the castle since Mother and Father's deaths...and my resolve strengthened again. /I will go to Mirkwood...there are plenty of trees there for me, and I will stay with the royal family. King Thranduil will know me...I knew his son. Mother, Father...I will always remember you, but your memory is haunting me...forgive me for leaving. Forgive me./

I climbed back down, and onto my mare Ranerocco's back. I took a final look at Gondor, the land I had loved. "Farewell, Gondor...you will always be in my heart, my true home," I whispered. For a long time, I stood, looking at the sun rising over my home. Then, I turned to whisper, "North, Ranerocco," into my mare's ear. She started to canter away, and I felt my heart lighten. I knew that, no matter where I went, the road would be my home, and wherever I ended up, I, Andorëiel-Árarilya Vanariel, could survive.

~*~ Fin ~*~


End file.
